What does it REALLY mean?

So I recently went on a date with a very nice young man, and we had a nice time. Chatted, had drinks, walked down to get coffee afterwards.

I receive a text later that generally says, ''I had a nice time, you're a lovely woman I just don't feel a connection. Best of luck to you in dating." [Not word for word…but close enough]

Here's where I am only slightly confused….I understand that in the past I disregarded a date for any number of reasons aka pickiness….I confess, but after doing so--you miss out on things. So I tend to let things go to a second date.  I get if there's NO connection off the bat, but how do you really know?

This could just be girls reading into things WAAAAAY to much, because, admit it ladies, we do that.


Anyone have any other thoughts on this? I'm curious.

Overdue posts

I've been M.I.A lately…..but I'm back….

The dating scene may not happen as much now, mainly because at this point i'm kind of over dating also because I have a really great promotion that I'm starting to learn the ropes of….Hello salon manager!!!! 

A few stories that need to be posted about--so check back soon!

Growing up means...

I've always thought that I've been pretty open….however when it comes to dating you do start to nitpick things here and there--I've come off my ''high horse'' so to speak. I have two dates coming up….one with a guy who would typically fall into my ''underage'' [even though he really isn't that much younger] but typically I'd write it off..

I've had so many bad dates that I have realized that I just need to grow up and be open. I truly believe that someone's personality can make them a hell of a lot more handsome in your eyes than shitty men in general.

Another date that I have is someone who falls into my age group--but ahhhh i don't want to say this--isn't what I'd find myself being attracted to, but I've learned that ''ALLY YOU CAN'T JUDGE A FUCKING PICTURE!!! It's a picture!!!''

I am going to go enjoy myself with what already seem like extremely nice men. Let me just say--in an age where online dating and text messages and email are higher preference, BOTH guys asked permission to call me and so we could speak over the phone.
That's class.


I'll keep everyone posted.


Don't judge…be open. You never know.

Hiatus and a LONG overdue post

There have been many many things going on and I haven't had the chance to post--and let me tell you--the things I have to say regarding some of the men not only I have come across, but recently a friend had come across just makes me really worry for the male gender.


First off, I am under the impression that after a great first date and an even better second date with NO inkling of it being uncomfortable or no chemistry between the two people--that a third date wouldn't be out of the question.  I was apparently wrong--the day after a second date which seemed to go great [which maybe my clues to the dates me almost TOO perfect should mean something?] I mentioned us getting together later in the week and in returned got responded to with ''I think we're on different wavelengths…etc…but these last two dates were nice."
Uhhhh……sorry what? Did I miss something….if you weren't interested why the second date, which NO hint that you weren't interested…

Oh well.  Thank you men of Chicago to whom I've met, the good ones who have shown me some qualities that I will continue to look for in a partner, and the bad ones who have shown me that being single is actually way better than dealing with stupid shit.

Speaking of shit--this leads me to another little problem--men who can't grow a pair of balls and lead someone on with good conversations and phone calls and then setting up a date with a great girl [who I can vouch for because she's an AMAZING person and an even better friend!] and in turn…..NOT FUCKING SHOWING UP AT ALL….I am at a loss for words….although it's his loss in the end.

WHAT THE HELL MEN, THOSE OF YOU WHO SCREW OVER AWESOME WOMEN--I HOPE KARMA BITES YOU IN THE BUTT


*ahem* I'll compose myself now…


Another thing, understandably in the age of online dating/online meetings/etc. I guess some people [not just pinning you men--women too] find it ''better'' to end a relationship/meet-up/dating with an email or text.
After a dinner with a girlfriend--we both agreed that men and woman alike, should be able to handle that face to face, there are polite ways to say that you aren't interested or that you don't want a relationship, but for heavens sake! Do it face to face [IMPORTANT NOTE: DO NOT DO IT THIS
WAY: http://sexinthe2ndcity.blogspot.com/2014/02/sorrywhat.html]


Anyway, that's all for now.

xoxo

Dates

This is a good subject…

When planning a date or going ON a date…

My client at the salon the other day said she had something to add to the blog, she was going on a date later that evening--a Friday night, the weather was pretty nice while the sun was still up and my client tells me that the guy has picked a rooftop [you think…YAY fun!!] and then she tells me that it's some popular rooftop bar that turns slightly club like in downtown [you now think…eehh okay no problem…]
Next, instead of setting up to meet at a happy hour [early enough that the weather is still awesome, and the rooftop isn't jam packed yet--a place where YOU CAN TALK] this man decided to make the time 8pm…

I just [and whoever else feels this way] don't understand planning a date for a FIRST DATE at a bar/lounge that doesn't allow you to talk or get to know the other person. When you have to yell across the table at each other because your date picked a restaurant/bar that has live music at a certain time [which i LOVE--but couldn't we meet earlier and THEN stay to listen to the music?] is just seems inconvenient and it sort of makes me wonder why you picked the place…do you NOT want talk much? Or in the case of my client--does he want to have it late enough that if he doesn't like her, he can stay and pick up some sloppy club-goer after?

That's all for today.
xoxo

It would be nice...

As a very independent woman, and as a single woman living alone, I have had to do some things that would be extremely wonderful if I were in a relationship….those include:

A. Killing bugs [however, I am pretty proud the of sheer fact I've been able to handle this task, and the only good thing about being alone when it happens is no one can make fun of you for shrieking the entire time and saying ''ewww ewww gross!!!'' as you kill said bug]

B. Making a bed  while this is probably not a problem for most, but when you are short and your bed is fairly decent sized…okay okay, if your bed is anything over a twin it's big to you…trying to lay out the sheets onto the bed is a fairly tedious task. 


Okay those are the only two for tonight, but watch for more! Feel free to add or share your own thoughts too!

Until next time!xoxo

Girls will be girls

Let me lay things out for MOST ladies who live in the city and are from suburbia originally. 

It's amazing to have those friends who all come from the same understandings.  The married couples of Chicago [that still live in the city] are fantastic and don't make their single friends feel….well…..singled out.

However, any trip home for those of us who are from suburbs, it leaves the feeling of extreme loneliness, err….okay not the right term, but I hope you can figure out what I'm saying.
The feeling that those people who are married and settled down back in your home town have their shit together.

Here's where I stand though, I tell myself that after the years of living in a city and having plenty of ups and downs with the stress of working, living in the city, paying increasing rents, etc….I now have SO much knowledge of where I stand as an independent woman who provides for herself in a larger city--it makes me feel good.
And as far as the good, bad and ugly when it comes to my dating adventures, I am happy that I have met/dated the men I have in the city because I know that when I meet the right person, I will know.  I've been open, I've learned things about myself, I've learned things about what I won't tolerate…….

I have learned that I have the greatest group of people who I can happily call friends and call them my Chicago family who will be around and will put their two cents in to make sure that when I do find the right things/people in life, it's my best choices.

Us woman have the ups and downs [aka Female Bi-polar….I diagnose this myself…you're welcome!] but without it, we're just stuck in a small bubble and will always wonder.
So…branch out, do something you've never thought you'd like/do/try. Make some new friends. Try a new hairstyle or a bold choice in makeup/lipstick.

Until the next post….xoxo 

Updates, mid20s life crisis?, vanity, and misc...

So I haven't had a post for a while--and after working lots of extra days and hours prior to heading home for Passover, I didn't have much to allow, let alone have time to post a blog.
No news for the dating front, life of a single woman in the city is at a stand still….I'm kind of at that point where half the time I want to throw in the towel and the other half [when you run into a handsome man on the street or in the elevator] it keeps the spark of around.

I have friends who want to set me up--but that scares me--men are….let me rephrase this before going on….SOME [hopefully a small few…yet this group i'm about to describe seem to be more than a handful] men are overly concerned with the fact a woman should have long hair and look certain ways to be attractive to them….
Here's where I think I'm having a vanity issue for myself, I think I'm cute, but recently I just chopped my hair off [which i've done before, as a hairstylist it's a thing we do out of boredom] and even though I'm in love with it, I'm kicking myself also, I'm in a weird in-between, how can someone LOVE a new short do, yet also be really annoyed with them-self for cutting it so short…
 
Here's a bit of honesty for you all--I feel unsexy right now--I feel like with this new cut, I'm not going to be attractive to guys  [WHAT GUYS at this point….there aren't any even on my radar]
It's one of those things where I think I hit a mid 20s life crisis, sounds silly, I know…BUT when the people around you SEEMINGLY have it all [and yes, I know people around may LOOK like they have it all--but they don't….I'm just blabbing right now…venting if you will] 

**random, but how is it ALWAYS…when you've been traveling and feel like crud and look a hot mess from being on a plan and in a cab, you end up on the elevator with a hot guy in your building….NEVER fails!**

A night in with friends this weekend will be a perfect fix for this ''blah-ness'' 

xoxo 

PS: that awkward time a friend comes over and hangs out [ahem…male friend] and things seem very awkward and quiet and uncomfortable-ish, partly because it's been so long since you'd hung out--and that REALLY awkward moment when the friend does little moves like touch your arm and you clearly can tell that they MIGHT like you and you have no means of reciprocating…..Who else has been there?! whewwwwwww…..

Some thoughts

Hey all….
Updates….

Counting down days until I'm home in Kansas City for the jewish holiday, and looking forward to some VERY much needed R&R and to see family [and of course my favorite man ever, Lou Moses…aka grandpa]

As far as the dating pool goes, things are pretty quiet on the home front.  I'm on edge about this ''blind'' date [okay so we've seen a picture of each other but really common, pictures are hard to go by, so I'm calling it a blind date!]
I laugh at the thought of this, but for those who do not know, my parents were set up on a blind date--my dad was in Kansas City for a wedding and they were set up while he was in town.  Here's the funny thing…as leary and nervous as I am about this date, I laugh at the memory of my mom telling me how she didn't really want to go on the date and wanted to back out--strange enough--I won't lie…I've had the same thoughts.

BUT!

I am going to go and just enjoy meeting someone new, and who knows, maybe this is what was meant to happen--being set up on a date, rather than the lackluster men through dating sites. No news yet on the when or what, but rest assure there will be a post once more details emerge again.


Last little blurb--why is it that old flames come back into the light during certain times? [like this, when you are about to meet someone new]……Also, this old flame has just confirmed that some men [even at 36 years old] are just MANchildren and can't figure out how to be an adult and how to deal with adult situations.

Until next time! xoxo

Updates…and being set up

So….my Jdate subscription is officially up--and the last few days of checking in on it didn't disappoint with the funny, the old men, and the surprisingly awesome--yet oddly timed meeting of someone cool.*

**note….COOL….so far so good….not holding my breath PLUS this person doesn't live in Chicago [sigh…yet again another seemingly good one who isn't nearby] BUT that doesn't mean anything--A little background, this person had viewed my profile in the same manner [I was later told by him] that I had done years back regarding the military guy] Where you just were going to expand the search because ''hey, my paid time is up on here and I haven't really met anyone nearby…yadda yadda yadda.''
So anyway--we are both currently no longer on Jdate, our subscriptions ran up around the same time--but funny enough we had enough time to view each others profiles and get an email or two in before exchanging regular email addresses and just recently--phone numbers.  Again…so far so good with conversation for a start, we shall see how this progresses. Updates will happen.


Next….I am being set up by my client with someone she works with. NO MOM I WILL NOT TELL YOU ANY INFORMATION REGARDING THIS [love you though]
VEEEEERY interesting….looking forward to it----check back for posts with updates on this [and plan for them to be very elusive since the jewish mother reads too. [again, mom….i say it very lovingly :)]


Happy St. Patrick's Day [tomorrow]

xoxo

STILL?!

So even though I have ended my time on Jdate, I was just curious if I could browse the site still and low and behold I could still log on into my account…[it's just got like 3 days left before it's officially gone] so I cleared up the emails and views that I had on there, and you'll never guess…..

Okay, you might already know…..if you've read past posts….



MOST OF THE VIEWS ON MY PROFILE WERE MEN AROUND THE AGE OF 45!!!!

WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY…



that is all.

Grow Up…an open letter...

An open letter to men….

Dear Men,

If you are one of the ones who thinks it's okay to ask a question to a woman you JUST started talking to that you THINK might be a stupid question, or a question that a 15 year old boy would think up [since teenage boys…hell…MEN only tend to have one thing on their mind…] don't ask the question. 

It's like you forget how to be a gentleman, and you are obviously on a dating site for a reason.  How many women are you going to get when you talk to her like a teenage boy going through puberty?!

When you are using a dating site, app, friends….etc…to go on dates, please don't ask questions that are asinine.*

Also, if you aren't looking for a date/relationship/partner, and you are looking for a one night stand, or [mom cover your eyes] a fuck buddy--go pick up some floozy at a bar.  

Sorry to the men who great, passionate, and know how to speak to a woman [regardless of how long they've known the person] because these other guys sure make the male gender look bad.

Thank you,
Single women everywhere

Oh, PS. When you are casually dating, or you go on a few dates with someone and it just doesn't seem to be working out….MAN UP and say in a polite way that it isn't going to work. I promise most of us women would rather hear that than have a guy just go AWOL and give you the silent treatment.   I've never understood that…

*Asinine [adj.] extremely stupid or foolish [ASS-i-nine]

matchmaker matchmaker find me a match...

I was talking to my mom today and after she asked her usual question about dating life [i love you mom!] I cracked….she was asking about the guy that I had gone on a date with and who I had been talking to for a short short while…and I told her that honestly, I have no clue, so then it went into a question about Jdate…and whatever other dating site I have joined in the past.

I made the joke that maybe we should just hire a yenta [aka matchmaker].

Yes yes yes….I'm kidding about it….but the more and more crap I come across in the dating pool, the more I think maybe the ''old school'' isn't so bad. HAHA

Ladies, we all know that people say ''it'll happen when you least expect it'' or ''when you aren't looking it will happen''.  It does get frustrating but putting yourself first and really knowing YOU is what counts before even starting a relationship.

[*Note to mom: I still grant permission for you to keep doing what you've done before and talk me up to any DECENT men that you come in contact with…so really, just keep being you! Love ya!]

The Real Life Berger Break-up?

For those who didn't watch Sex and the City, Berger was one of Carrie's men….and he broke up with her via a post-it note.

Here's the real life ''Berger"……men who end things via an EMAIL….an EMAIL!?!?!

Now this happened to me twice….and both were guys who were extremely nice but all in all, had a few things from their past [at least one had a major thing from his past that I was aware of regarding a previous relationship] and the other was more of a ''whaaaaaa the fuuuuuu?'' sort of moment…

I don't understand it. I'd MUCH rather you contact me by phone or tell me in person, maybe I'm different than other women that way or you are scared that you'd say it to her face to face and you'd have some sob-fest that you'd have to watch.


I sort of wish I had kept the emails though so you could fully enjoy some of the hilarious wording that was used.

Another bites the dust?

I seem to have figured out that I must be the factor of why relationships don't tend to pan out for me…
At least that is what's it's starting to slowly feel like.


A lot of people will try and disagree with me [friends, family…etc.] but I don't always believe their sides…yes, I am glad that they are there for me to listen and add SOME input, but all in all, it's me.
Now this has crossed my mind before--when you are first dating/getting to know someone, wouldn't you consider that the conversations would be very frequent? I mean yes, we have jobs, but we talk consistently around our lives, but it seems like in my case, either the men forget that, and drop off the face of the earth, or I'm too talkative…which shit, I am a ex-theatre actor, a hairstylist, and a jewish gal who has the same flair for very expressive 'hand' talking [think italians….jews fall in the same category!]

I've come across men…who…well who state that they are looking for a relationship on their profiles, and low and behold, they are great for the first week, and then they all go south.

I think today is just ''blah'' with weather and snow, and rain and honestly, everyone loosing their mind over the winter weather.

Until next time….hopefully with a more comprehensive post….

The past that haunts..

I often have moments where someone from my past comes to mind and I always try to avoid the thoughts of this person….

I'm going to lay something out there, I am 27 years old and I have never…never….been in a ''long term'' relationship.  I have not had year….two year….5 year relationships with any one person.

I know for a fact, 27 is young for that to happen, but let me say that when you grow up somewhere that the majority of people in your age group are slowly settling down with serious relationships--you feel slightly behind.
I spent 7 months [yes, this is the longest for me…] in what would not call a 'relationship' because we never truly got together face to face…

Let me explain….About 3 or so years ago, I had rejoined Jdate for the hope of meeting new people in Chicago. I went on dates, met some guys from the city and when I finally was going to give up hope on the site, I decided to ''browse around'' [cause hey, it's fun….don't life, you've done it!] and found a guy who was living in Savannah, GA.  I read his profile, and funny enough decided what the hell….and sent off an email.

I come to find out that he is actually overseas in Afghanistan, his base was in Savannah, but since we had hit it off so well through the first email, and we had things in common, we kept talking to build a friendship.

I still remember the first time he asked if he could call, he did that because it would be a long distance call, and the number would show up differently since he was calling from a base.
The first time he called me….HOLY COW, I remember exactly what I was doing….I was at work on a day off getting my hair done. HAHA…and I turned beet red.  The conversation was fantastic [once I finally calmed down from being a giddy 15 year old girl]

This continued, with emails, instant messages [which would mean, as I was getting up in the morning and getting ready for work, he was going to bed and we could talk until computer time was up for him].
7 Months of getting to know each other, chatting via Skype when he was on leave visiting him family state side, being there for him when a fellow comrade passed, knowing personal stories we shared about everything.

Things went rocky, and we severed ties….by this time he was back state-side..There was a few conversations that happened  between the times we weren't talking anymore, and a few of those were emails of  ''maybe we can make this work'' ''i keep wondering 'what if'''
It's been one of the things that probably won't go away until I can find someone who I fit with….but it's hard to continue to have someone who became a fixture [even so many miles away].  To have that one person to continually reoccur in your mind over the years.

Think what you might on whether that is truly a 'relationship' in the sense of the word in which most people tend to think….but to me….it was.

Until next time…

Valentine's Day

BLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH….or is it?  I am pretty sure that I have been single most valentine's day, and you know what, I don't even care.

I had a bunch of beautiful text messages from friends and one from dun dun duuuuuuuuuuun the ''stage 5 clinger'' I thought for SURE the lack of conversation was a clue that we aren't talking….at least this time it wasn't the random ''shabbat shalom'' [thank you, yes we are both jewish…but there's no need for the random text when we aren't speaking]

Anywho…

Don't let being single bum you out, tonight, some single city ladies are getting together for a potluck and movies and games. That sounds WAAAAAAAAY more fun than flowers and chocolate. [Lie…chocolate is still good, but I've got that covered….]

Happy Valentine's Day to all my single city ladies!

Sorry….what?!

So two posts today….but this one is because my mom and a few of my friends said I needed to…this is a blurb about a date I had with someone last year…
Get ready folks…and if ANY men read this blog and are single, never pull this crap--which most men I've come across don't…but even if you know someone who would…tell them to read it, or just slap them upside the head so they can get their brain back in gear…

As a hair stylist I know that my hair is subject to change color or length or style very quickly. I did my best to keep an updated picture as well as a few somewhat older pictures where my hair was shorter, but I look the same for the most part otherwise.On a hot summer evening, after a day at work, the guy I was talking to had asked me if I’d like to meet up after I got off. Of course, we had been talking so I was open to it, since our conversation had been nice. Ladies, what you are about to read next is something I still cannot wrap my head around. 
After making my way downtown, we met at The Bean [a giant metal bean shaped figure in Chicago’s downtown.]  We meet up and we start talking and walking to make our way for drinks at a nearby bar.I kid you not, about 10 minutes in he stops and tells me “You look so different in your pictures....and I don’t want to be an asshole, but....ah I feel so bad, I’m just not attracted to you.’’ 

*cricket....cricket* 

We are standing in the middle of the sidewalk of downtown Chicago with the hustle and bustle passing us...all I could think to do was smile, and say “....okay, not a problem, bye.” Yeah....my older brother’s advice was to throw a drink in his face. I say, do what you gotta do, I didn't even get a drink to have the chance to throw it in his face….so I responded with a little email back which went something like this:

“Next time you go on a date with someone, and the attraction isn't there, don't tell someone straight up--I understand where you were coming from, because hey, I wasn't attracted to you either...”
“suck it up dude...you asked someone out, finish the date....and leave it there. If the person contacts you again you simply say ''I had a nice time but I don't think there was any chemistry'' 

It was my way of getting my point across, and men....PLEASE, just finish the damn date even if you don’t find her attractive or it was awkward. 
Every time I think about that story I cringe and wish I DID have a drink to throw in his face, but we’ll move on from it.

Men in the city

Is it just me…or do the rest of you ladies living in Chicago pull the ''oh he's cute, lemme check his left hand for a ring'' 
I know for a fact that when I see a very nice looking man while out walking/running errands..etc…I have done the ''left hand glance''. 

On another note, there is a guy who comes into the store, and he must either ride his bike or he comes from working out…either way, the first time he came into the store, he had on these EXTREMELY tight biking pants, and I am sorry that's like saying ''HELLO LOOK AT MY PACKAGE''…..I went to ask him if he needed help [before noticing his workout gear] and flat out couldn't believe my eyes…I seriously think it was the most obvious crotch look ever, and I was overly embarrassed

He's been in the store now multiple times shopping, still in his tight spandex pants….luckily he's gay and so the crotch check from a female wasn't anything big. HAHA…oy

Updates

I've found that after refocusing on things, dating is kind of on the back burner, however, I am still on the dating scene.  [I just have a more clear image in my head of what,where,when]
I am being a 27 year old woman who lives in the city.
I recently was introduced to a new dating app, we will see what stems from it….it's interesting, tells me who I know in common which makes things even more hilarious when you see who knows who….essentially it's ''jewish geography'' without EVERYONE being jewish…haha

I've been on a few dates with one person currently, and surprised myself and how open and comfortable we are when it comes to talking and hanging out…opening up my ''pool'' has been a great and rewarding experience.

There's also something that currently has been an interesting new development…I have started having small here and there chats with someone who I went to high school with, and we never talked in school.  We knew of each other [I assume he knew of them then….since we're friends via Facebook] but never ran in the same crowd.
I really enjoy the small convos, and we've discussed meeting for drinks whenever I get back to Kansas to just really kind of sit and chat and the more I chat with him [although these are nothing big] the more I think ''huh….I think I like him a bit''  [Doesn't hurt that he's extremely adorable in all his pictures too!]
Funny how things change as you get older and you get out of where you grew up, funny how people you never expected to connect with--you end up connecting and chatting with after almost 10 years.

I promise to keep up more with these blogs, I have a LOT more motivation this year than ever before with my life and my plans. I can't wait to share more with you all.

Pictures are worth a thousand words…or two…or three...

**First an update….stage 5 clinger is still clinging…and doesn't get the fact that I'm not interested. Is it hard for other woman to flat out tell a man ''STOP TALKING TO ME, I'M NOT INTERESTED MAN!'' I find that no matter HOW much I spell it out, they don't catch on--yet I'm still not able to say it flat out…Why is that? Is it just me?**

Okay moving on to what I was going to talk about…photos.
OY.

First off, I know everyone looks somewhat different in pictures than in person, that is not the point, but when you post a picture that is SO unflattering, it makes me question a lot things.
Also, the ones of men who look like they are 58 years old but their profile says they are 30….Or even the other way around, which hey, if you look like George Clooney I could care less what the age on your profile is, but alas….no Georgie have I come across..
Here's little thing I wrote back in the day when I previously thought of writing this as a book instead of blogging ….

''WHAT the hell is with NOT having a photo posted. Not a damn thing! I mean couldn’t you at least have some sort of silhouette of yourself?!  I find it hard to believe you’ve never had a picture taken in your lifetime that you couldn’t post up.
Sure ‘‘looks aren’t everything’’ but they sure as hell help! Plus when you don’t post a picture I assume you must look like Quasimodo? I truly assure you sir, you probably don’t look as bad as you think, plus aren’t us women suppose to be a million times more judgmental of the pictures we have of ourselves? Yet we post our photos!  Grow a pair men, we know you have ‘em!''